At the beginning of the Covid-19 crisis my son encouraged us in our decision to self isolate before the rest of the UK thought it necessary. I last saw my grandchildren after school almost 7 weeks ago, on March 11th.
I had seen my grandchildren on one day a week for most weeks since the first was born 8 years ago. Before they went to school I looked after the girls at their home one day a week while both parents worked. They each worked three days week and I provided cover on the one day they were both working. Because my son works from home I would also see him for a chat and if my daughter-in-law was not too late home I would have a chance to say hello to her as well. The older grand daughter first came to stay at our house aged nearly 2 yrs so that she would be prepared for coming to stay while her sister was being born at home. That established a pattern which has developed into the girls staying for a few days each school holiday. We make some effort to have family days together for birthdays and Christmas but we all enjoyed the regular contact so much there has not been a great special visits or phone calls to keep in touch.
Caring for grandchildren is an important part of later life for many people. I know some people don’t have grandchildren or they live far away. Some of those people don’t like to hear about other other people’s grandchildren but I have always been interested, especially in those who’s parents I knew when they were children themselves. The opportunity to enjoy my grandchildren has been particularly special for me because I was widowed when my son was 7 months old. I think I did a pretty good job of getting on with life at the time with lots of support from family and friends but my granddaughters gave we an opportunity to enjoy looking after growing children without the shadow of grief hanging over me. Because I decided to return to full time work when my son was school age I never routinely met him at the school gate. It has been such a pleasure to stand in the playground to meet my granddaughters in a way I never did for my own son. It is not surprising if just now a generation of grandparents are grieving for the opportunities they will miss if they need to self isolate for up to a year. And they are opportunities that will be missed because young children’s lives move on so quickly. Typing this on a keyboard means that there is no tell tale splodge where tears have fallen on ink, but I can’t write this without crying. I don’t even want to write this without crying because I can only get on and do the things that will show that I am ‘coping’ if I can first publicly air my grief.
I admire the clever ways that different grandparents have found to keep in touch with their grandchildren. We are having a weekly ‘Show and Tell’ via Facebook and I hear of others doing daily quizzes and games of bingo over zoom. The best of all I heard from a friend yesterday. Since Christmas she had been knitting a menagerie for her pre-school age grandchildren with the intention that it would be a special toy at Grandma’s house. Now her grandchildren cycle past the house on a Sunday and view the menagerie through a window. Mum sends a text to say which animal they would like to take home for the week and it is placed on the doorstep. Apparently they are so loved for the week that when returned and swapped for another they usually require running repairs. Physical distance is maintained but a little bit of grandma’s love is there to hold on to throughout the week.
I know my grandchildren are safe, the things they are learning may be just as important for success in life as the things they are missing out on through not going to school. The heartbreak for grandparents who can’t be confident that their grandchildren are safe and well cared for must be even great than mine. I have put on record how I feel, now I will get on with something that will help me through the day, the month or event the year…