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Doing or Being?

Another good chat with my sister today. We are very different people in many ways and have not been close at all stages of our lives. We started to become closer after the deaths of first my father and then my mother but I was still working in the midlands and my sister was engrossed in her family and Bahai community in North Wales. After I retired and when she had major heart surgery we become closer again and over the past weeks we have been in very regular contact.

One thing we do have in common is being people who like to be actively doing things. We typically like to solve problems by doing something. For so many things we can make ourselves happy through tackling a problem. Lots of the business we have been engaged to adjust to social distancing helps us to feel more relaxed. However, once all the arrangements are made, all the jobs tackled and every workout completed Corona virus is still here. They are all good and useful things to do but they won’t distract for ever from the unpleasant emotions triggered by the global pandemic. We have both acknowledged that we need to practice spending time in the being mode. That is what I want from my mindfulness practice but now, when I need it most I find it difficult to make the time to ‘just be’ for even half an hour every day.

It will be interesting to look back in a few weeks to see if I have made any progress on this.

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Re-connecting

Like many retired people my weeks usually include a number of classes involving exercise. Of course they all had to shut down when Social Distancing started but already they are up and running again as on-line classes. It is incredible how within a week many people have got their heads and fingers around the technology and found ways to continue to offer their various fitness classes. I am now booked up for live Yoga on Monday and Wednesday and Pilates on Friday. My Ballet classes are on-demand which suits rather well so I can fit them in on Tuesday and Thursday and I can progress through them a my own steady pace. John’s NHS ‘Healthier You’ programme, designed to prevent those identified as pre-diabetic progressing to become diabetic is being conducted using telephone conferencing. The diary is filling up again and each day will be different.

Getting used to the technology to make the most of classes is a challenge. I was pleased when I worked out I could have my phone behind me and face the TV where the phone screen was mirrored. Perfect for Barre work in Ballet, I had the large image on the TV to follow to the front then the small image on the phone when I’ve turned the other way to act as a reminder but encourage me to concentrate on remembering the sequence. But then a left logging on to Yoga until the last minute and couldn’t get to see anything on the TV at all. Still a long way to go before I am proficient with this stuff.

The classes tick lots of boxes. They provide a structure to my days, they keep me connected with friends, they provide strength and mobility exercise to complement my running and they exercise the brain.

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Another Sunday

We decided that it really was OK to have a lie in on the morning the clocks changed. It was good to start the day in a leisurely way, especially as I had woken at 4 am. I did succeed in getting back to sleep, but only after I had made use of a couple of guided Mindfulness meditations to help tune out the myriad of thoughts about how I could better organise our social distancing. A later start also fitted in with the way I have deliberately arranged my weekly schedule to cover Monday to Saturday so that Sunday remains different. We did decide to tidy up some papers, prompted by a lost legal document. That is a least favourite job for both of us.

The high spot of the day was an email from my granddaughters. I had asked them to tell me the names of the Peg Doll Bogarts they had made and left here at February half term. This was the reply;

These are the bogartsโ€™s names and some things they like and want:

  1. Monster  Zard๐Ÿคบ๐ŸŽธ๐Ÿšœ๐ŸŽ’๐Ÿฏโ›„๏ธ๐ŸŸ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿ”๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿฅ‰๐Ÿฅˆ๐Ÿฅ‡๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ…๐ŸŽ–๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ’ธ๐Ÿ—„๐Ÿ—‘๐Ÿ“•๐Ÿ–
  2. Ben Dolanโœ๏ธ๐Ÿ““๐Ÿ—ƒ๐Ÿ›น๐Ÿซ๐Ÿฅช๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿ›ท๐Ÿฅโ›ต๏ธ๐ŸŸ๐Ÿ•“โŒš๏ธ๐Ÿดโ€โ˜ ๏ธ๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ“—๐Ÿ–๐Ÿงณ๐Ÿฆ
  3. Verity Velvet ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿน๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿž๐Ÿณ๏ธ๐Ÿ•“โŒš๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฝ๐Ÿ’ฟ๐Ÿ“€๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿงบ๐Ÿ““๐Ÿงท๐Ÿ–‹๐Ÿ”๐ŸŽน๐Ÿ—ƒ
  4. Tickle toese word๐Ÿ’ป๐Ÿ—ก๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿง—๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ’ถ๐Ÿ’ผ๐Ÿ•ฐ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿฆ”๐Ÿœ
  5. Ruby Rose ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿคซ๐Ÿคฒ๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿถ๐Ÿœ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฅƒ๐ŸฅŽ๐ŸŽป๐Ÿ”โ›บ๏ธ๐ŸŒ„๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ•ฐ๐Ÿ—‚๐Ÿ“•๐Ÿ–๐Ÿ–‡๐Ÿšฉ๐Ÿบ
  6. Dockle Day ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿงถ๐Ÿงต๐Ÿ€๐ŸŒฎ๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿˆ๐Ÿ›ด๐Ÿœ๐Ÿ’ฐโ›“๐Ÿ“—๐Ÿ–Š๐Ÿ—„๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿฅ
  7. Ferecale Felt ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿฏโ›น๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐ŸŒ ๐Ÿ“’โœ๏ธ๐Ÿ“โ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿดโšฑ๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ“๐ŸŽธ
  8. Priscilla Princess๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿผโ€โœˆ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ฏโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿฆ‰๐Ÿฅ›๐ŸŠ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ„๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿšฃ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธโ›ต๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿ“œ๐Ÿ“˜๐Ÿ–Œ๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿดโ€โ˜ ๏ธ๐Ÿ—ƒ๐ŸŽบ๐Ÿ—บ๐Ÿฅฅ
  9. Barksle Bracken๐Ÿ™‚๐ŸฆŠ๐Ÿน๐ŸŽท๐Ÿ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ““โœ๏ธ๐Ÿ”๐Ÿ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿด๐ŸŒฐ๐Ÿง๐Ÿน๐Ÿ—‚
  10. Emily Hornet ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป๐Ÿฆ‡๐Ÿง€๐Ÿฅ–๐Ÿฅ›โ›ธ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ”ฎ๐Ÿ“ฟโš—๏ธ๐ŸŽ€๐Ÿ“—โœ’๏ธ๐Ÿ—„
  11. Sulphur Religion ๐Ÿ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ•ธ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿฅฅ๐Ÿฅ—๐ŸŽ†๐ŸŽ‡๐ŸŒ…๐ŸŒ„๐Ÿ“”โœ๏ธ          love you bye ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ž

It is going to take me quite a time to learn what all those emojis mean, am I occupying them or are they occupying me?

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More on Food and other supplies

Making sure that we have the food we want is the thing that causes most anxiety. However genuine people’s offers to help are we can’t help feeling guilty about asking for help. We wonder whether we really should be protecting ourselves at the expense of those who offer to go shopping for us. We wonder whether they will get fed up of shopping for us if we are too fussy. We wonder how particular we can be about what we ask for. I like to have half a cup of Edamame beans with my lunch time salad every day. It helps to ensure that I get 1 gm of protein for every Kg of body weight every day. I considered carefully who in my support network would know what Edamame bean are – I guessed right, thank you Ranald.

I have said previously I am very keen to continue with minimising plastic wrapping for shopping if possible. Now that we are so reliant on NHS staff having all they need for protection, much of which will be plastic wrapped I want to minimise my own use. My Zero waste shop Scoop has come up trumps. They emailed and phoned to let me know my order was ready. Their system appeared to be so thorough on social distancing that we decided we would venture out ourselves to pick up the order. We both felt strangely nervous getting in to the car to drive through Matlock and Matlock Bath to Wirksworth. Everywhere was quiet. In Matlock bath there was an obvious police presence and teh parking bays usually full of motorbikes on a Saturday afternoon were blocked off with traffic cones. Not a biker was to be seen. When we arrived in the centre of Wirksworth we were relived to see that the parking ticket machine had been taken out of commission and displayed a large notice asking ‘DO YOU NEED TO BE HERE’. We were able to wait opposite the Scoop shop to check there was no one in sight. I crossed the road and knocked at the door to see Mat in the shop holding up a bag labelled with my name. All I had to do was nod to show that was me and the door opened, an arm place the bag on the step and the door shut so that I could safely pick up the bag. Next the card machine appeared at the window and I placed my card on my side of the glass. It responded as quickly as usual. Who would have known that you can operate contactless payments through glass? My shopping, everything carefully weighted out into brown paper bags is now sitting in my north facing ‘decontamination chamber’ previously known as the front porch.

Driving home past Wirksworth Co-op, Sainsbury’s, M&S Food, Iceland and Matlcok Co-op we saw various different arrangements of people queuing outside at two metres apart and presumably only a small number being allowed in at a time.

When I got home I realised that one thing I had not got was a good supply of birthday cards which I need at this time of year for several relatives, mainly women. Sticking with the ‘shop local’ theme I got in touch with Sarah Parkin (http://www.sarahparkin.co.uk/), a local Watercolour Artist friend who has some of her paintings printed up as cards. By the end of the day I have had a delivery of 20 cards with spirit lifting spring and summer local scenes. All I have to do now is to remember to post them to the right people on the right day.

I finished the afternoon with a run on the roads around the top of the village. It was good to be sure that I had more than met my two targets for the week – 20 k of running and the equivalent of 300 minuets of moderate exercise. I will potter in the garden all day tomorrow knowing that any exercise I get is a bonus. As always, as soon as I had recovered from my run I felt fresher and more alert.

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Food

I have been trying to stay relaxed about securing supplies of food while self isolating. I have accepted that having fresh Blueberries on my porridge every day is a non-essential luxury. However, having experienced the benefits over the past 10 weeks of following a no-free-sugar and relatively low carbohydrate diet I don’t want to make too many compromises over what I eat. Every few days I have made an attempt to book on-line or click and collect shopping from one of the major supermarkets. When today I was informed that I was customer 162,969 in the queue for home delivery from one of them I decided to give up. I have had much better success with the small scale local businesses.

I have been having door step delivery of milk from our local milkman Garry Twigg since moving here nearly 10 years ago. Garry of Bridge News has been lauded in the national press in the past for his commitment to his customers and the local community. He is supplied by Peak District Dariy who have been producing milk locally for well over 100 years. Now I am getting yogurt, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese and eggs alongside my milk order. I should have been doing this long ago but supermarkets are such a habit.

John Palin, an independent wholesaler and distributor of fresh produce based in our village for over 150 years have responded to the current situation by providing vegetable boxes for retail customers distributed from the now empty County Offices car park. My next door neighbour (brother of the milkman Garry) has collected a salad box for me and gone round Sainsburys and the Coop to find the teabags and other things we were running out of. Other (very slightly younger) friends have offered to pick up other things we need. I am now waiting to hear whether Scoop, our Zero Waste Shop, are able to reopen with a pre-order / collect service so I can get the nuts, seeds and pulses that I eat instead of meat. For my part I am trying to keep a very careful track of what we have and what we might need so that I don’t accumulate an unreasonable stock but also don’t run out.

Interestingly the slight anxiety about food is making me take more care, do more interesting cooking from scratch and enjoy what I eat even more than usual. I have been making best use of what I have in the garden already; chives, parsley and a few sticks of rhubarb. I’ve also enjoyed beans I have sprouted myself for the first time in very many years but I am looking forward to the lovely ripe avocado I received in my salad box this afternoon.

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A foray into the outside world

We had our first foray into the outside world today because John had to go for a blood test. He had been called to say please ignore any messages telling you not to keep your medical appointment. It was for 8:40 am so we expected the world to be quiet and it was. We were able to park outside the surgery. When he buzzed the intercom he was interrogated for all the usual personal information before the receptionist, in mask and apron came to unlock the door to let him in. Nine chairs were spaced out in three rows at least 2m apart in the area that would normally have 30 or so. The nurse doing John’s finger prick blood test also had mask and apron. The good news was that the test was result was good and he does not have to go back for 6 weeks. That will probably be the next time we will venture into town. Today I saw council workers who were litter picking wearing face-masks and a very spaced out queue outside the pharmacy. I wonder what new sites we will see when we next go out?

I followed up my foray into the real world with another into the virtual world of Zoom Cloud. Wendy, my super wild yoga teacher had organised an on-line yoga class broadcast from her home. I enlisted support from my husband to deal with the technical issues, all as new to him as to me. It sounds easy to just download the Zoom App onto the phone and then Cast the phone screen on to the TV so that I have a good clear image but there are so many details that have to be right that it takes a little while to set up. I am assuming that having set it up for the first session the rest will be easy. Mindfulness is an essential part of the Yoga Wendy teaches and I find it helpful to have a different practice to reinforce the messages about being in the moment and using the breath to ground oneself.

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Week 2 of self isolation

Having not been out for anything other than approved exercise for the past seven days we are feeling that we know how to cope with the new rules on Social Distancing. It seemed very quiet when we were out and anyone I saw kept well away from me. While out on his bike John was confronted (at a distance) by a car driver who demanded to know what he was doing and how long for and added that the police were about checking up on people. It will be strange tomorrow when John has to go to the surgery for a medical appointment. He has been told he will have to be buzzed in and the staff will be ‘gowned up’.

There is an enormous contrast between the (rightly) oppressive atmosphere created by the messages on social distancing and the joy engendered by the beauty of early spring in the sunshine and the freedom to spend time doing pleasant things at home. Every day I find myself better able to relax about not finishing things because there will be time tomorrow and they don’t even matter in comparison to what else is going on. Alongside the distress and misery I can’t help thinking of the atmosphere getting a respite from most of the air traffic and the cars sitting unused on people’s drives. It is impossible to imagine how things will be in 12 months time.

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Mindfulness Monday

I do like alliteration. Yesterday I wrote about maintaining a routine but having a distinctive activity for each day of the week. My Mindfulness group was meeting on a Monday before we stopped for Corona virus so catching up with making arrangements for the group to keep in touch was an obvious thing to do today. I had some nice conversations and general agreement that a WhatsApp group was the way forward. I am replacing all those cancelled events on my google calendar with reminders of what I plan to do each day of the week so I will be catching up with Mindfulness people regularly on a Monday.

Being lucky enough to have a garden I was able to spend the rest of the day cutting grass, spreading compost and generally enjoying being out of doors. Today was our seventh day of voluntary self isolation so when the time came for Boris to announce the latest measures they felt reassuring rather than restrictive. Let us hope these measures are just in time to make a difference.

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Keep Sunday special

No, I am not harking back 25 years to the time when Sunday shopping was finally introduced. Soon after we went into self isolation (5 days and 11 hours ago), I decided that a degree of daily routine would be important to keep me motivated to do the things that I believe will see me through. But I also realised how important it is to make each day of the week a bit different, so not just Sunday special, but as far as I can, each day having something distinctive about it. My exercise schedule helps a lot with this. I do short, medium and long run on set days and allocate another day for walking.

Having a schedule gives an element of control over my life but I have to work on being OK with the fact that much of what is going on at the moment is way out of my control. That is where Mindfulness practice as part of daily routine comes in. In our group we have formed a habit of starting with a Mindful Movement practice. I am finding that is particularly helpful when I am feeling too restless to want to sit down to meditate. Just 5 or 10 minutes of mindful movement is usually enough to allow me to focus. I have also found that sometimes it is hard to focus on a very familiar meditation. On those occasions going to u-tube to find a different voice to lead me has been very successful.

So I have spent most of this wonderfully sunny day in the garden. At last I have sown seeds in the greenhouse. I am particularly proud of how I have suspended pieces of guttering along the top of walls to provide extra growing space. I wonder how that will turn out?

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Dealing with anxiety

I had two quite different bouts of anxiety today and I am pleased to say managed to overcome them both.

First, after breakfast, I was aware that I was very anxious in a general way without any specific worry. In particular my chest, stomach and shoulders were tight and I felt I could not sit still, let alone relax. I probably haven’t felt this level of anxiety since my husband was very ill last autumn. That was when I started to make use of mindfulness practice to bring myself some calm and focus. Even though I have been coordinating the Matlock U3A Mindfulness group since we started in late January I have still not found regular time for my own practice. However, a time like this, when we are all experiencing massive disruption to our regular routines can be an opportunity to develop helpful habits. I determined that I would make after breakfast my mindfulness practice time. I settled myself with iPad and sound bar just as I have been doing every Monday morning at the Mindfulness Group. I selected some prerecorded meditations that come with the book Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Mark WilliamsDr Danny Penman. It worked! By the end of my session the physical tension and restlessness had largely gone and I was able to continue with the day. While we are Self Isolating there is no good reason why I can’t regularly practice Mindfulness meditations every day after breakfast. If I don’t I will need to meditate on why not. The chair is ready for use.

My meditation chair

The second bout of anxiety was quite different. I am a rule follower. I don’t mind breaking a rule if I have reliable evidence that it is a bad rule but my default position is that rules are made for good reason even if it is not immediately obvious what that reason is. I was about to go out running when I looked at Boris’s Saturday morning statement about Social Distancing. It was the one about pubs etc. closing and it did not mention exercise. I became fearful that I had missed an announcement to say that going out locally for exercise was not longer advised. I searched on the internet for clarification with no success. I contemplated trying to get enough exercise running up and down the garden. I was rescued by my husband and son who almost simultaneously found information I could trust saying that going out to exercise, away from other people, is still socially responsible. I did my run with a clear conscience. The footpaths were busier than usual but everyone I passed kept a clear distance, especially if we happened to arrive at a style at the same time.

My last big activity for the day was making progress in the garden, but more on that tomorrow.